Small Talk
From HowTo.Lifehack
Communication start with the art of conversation. Carrying on a simple conversation isn't hard, but being interesting, conveying your personality and humor are skills some people seem to master easily where others stumble.
Contents |
[edit] Personality
Small talk isn't completely frivolous. Simple chatting is a way to express your personality and interests in an indirect fashion. Quick conversations can reveal much about your attitudes, personality type and worldview.
The real skill of conversation is knowing how to convey your personality the way you want. This doesn't mean deception or putting up a false image of yourself, simply it means knowing how to cut through the irrelevant and allow people to relate to you.
Likable people have developed a natural talent of conveying their personality in a way that is non-threatening and easy to relate to.
- Show, don't tell. Nobody likes a braggart. Humble confidence in your talents and also your weaknesses will do more to show people who you are than boasting.
- Find similarities. Total agreement isn't necessary, but look for similarities between yourself and the other person. You might disagree with a coworkers political views, but perhaps you both have kids the same age.
- Show vulnerabilities, but don't be a wuss. Showing a few weaknesses of yours in a confident tone can make you seem more human and relatable. These small admissions are the foundations of trust. But if you appear to look for pity or complain about your problems the negativity will turn others off.
[edit] The First Impression
Don't be too concerned with making a fantastic first impression. Worrying endlessly about your introduction to the conversation can make you seem false or try-hard. Realize that relationships grow, and although the other person may form initial impressions, it is difficult to manipulate those impulsive judgements.
The best conversation starters are the most natural. Just a simple hello can be more effective than trying to appear funny and charismatic in the first few minutes. If you want to make a good impression, here are some tips:
- Be well-groomed. Don't look like you've been living in the subway for six months. Decent clothes that reflect your personality with a shower and shave are good enough for most.
- Start casual. The first five minutes aren't a time for your life story. Keeping things light and casual are a good place to start when talking.
- Be friendly - all the time. You can't force friendliness and extroversion. Instead aim to be sociable and friendly with everyone. This way when you need to meet that high powered executive or chat up the hot stranger across the room, it will feel normal.
[edit] Know the Tone
Whoever says you should never censor yourself must be a jerk. You wouldn't crack jokes at a funeral or cry at a party. Every social context has it's own guidelines for what is acceptable behavior.
You shouldn't follow social rules as if they were written in stone. Learn to experiment and don't be afraid for occasional embarrassment. But those who are masters at small talk and making friends understand most of the guidelines for what is acceptable. Understanding the tone is a mixture of observation and experimentation.
[edit] Humor
A few paragraphs can't possibly do the topic of humor justice, but laughter is one of the best ingredients to a successful interaction. Most humor falls into one of these major patterns:
- Surprise - The unexpected can be funny. Good punch-lines put a twist in the joke that creates a laugh.
- Exaggeration - Stories or examples moved beyond reality can add humor.
- Sarcasm - Can be irritating if it is too negative or aimed at others expense. But sarcasm can often be a form of wit, used in the opposite direction of exaggeration.
- Context - Some actions are humorous just because of the context. The right mood can be useful for humor and other times it can seem out of place.
- Stories
[edit] Stories
Storytelling is one of the most critical aspects for effective small talk. There are several key points to remember to tell good stories:
- Know the ending. Everyone hates a botched punch line. Know how you want to end the story so it ends with impact rather than a sloppy conclusion.
- Start with a hook. Lead into your story with a question or comment that draws attention. "That reminds me of the time..." is a good lead-in, preparing the other people to hear a story.
- Keep it short. Don't waste time explaining the background of a story if it isn't important. Cut away the excess until you have a small set of events. You will hold attention far longer that way.
- Be visual. Describe the story emotionally and visually. Don't say, "the room was crowded," when you can say, "you couldn't even fall over the crowd was so tight." Relating stories in the first person and using short but vivid descriptions will hold attention longer than a list of facts.
- Keep a roadmap. Practice your story and know what parts draw attention. I have dozens of stories I tell repeatedly and I've learned to emphasize the parts people like best and skim over less entertaining background.
- Keep it personal. Avoid stories that don't involve you. Secondhand stories will make you less interesting because they say nothing about your personality.
- Engage. Don't just flap your jaw the entire conversation. Listen to others story and actively listen and ask questions. They will appreciate your interest and you can help them point out details to make it more interesting. Offering open-ended questions like, "What were your experiences?" can open others up to share their own stories.
[edit] Icebreaker
[edit] General
- Open-ended questions
- Tell me about your...
- How did you...
- Ask about difficulty
- What is the most difficult part of your job?
- What is the strangest client you have ever met?
- Follow-up questions
- Why?
- How did it happen?
- What happened there?
- Listen first - talk second
- The best rule for good interpersonal communication is to allow your companion to speak first, to listen to what they say and then respond. Repeating phrases and buzz words back to the person reinforces the fact that you have listened and understood. Note: listening and understanding is not the same as agreeing.
- Don't be anxious about changing subjects.
- Don't worry about the natural change in subjects as the conversation progresses. If you were talking about something, but now are talking about something else, you are at an advantage. This is because if the conversation stalls out for any reason, you can always go back to what you were talking about before the change in subject.
[edit] Business
- What do you enjoy about your profession?
- How did you start in this profession?
- What is the most difficult part of your job?
[edit] Social
- What sort of movie do you like?
- Tell me about your family.
- What's your favorite restaurant?
- What's the best vacation you've ever had?
